Living with Eyes Closed

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It is so hard to justify certain moments, like this. Sometimes I wonder what have I done in this life to deserve this kind of love. A child who always makes me feel wanted and loved. A heaven-sent gift, whom make me a better woman everyday.

Sometimes, life throws thorns along the way. As much as how good we are in dodging, they cut us once in a while. It would hurt a little. Sometimes, when it’s too much, you’ll end up questioning on why on earth you still choose to stay on course when there are many roads diverged before us. We always have choices, either a detour, cross over, or probably the lowest point is to call it a day.

And during this time we realise all series of melancholic drama and any sorts of shows we have been watching on television are not what real life is about. It is worse.

Sometimes I do question fate. What are hidden reasons of having to let go the most important person in my life when I still need her. It feels like only yesterday my phone rang and ‘mak”s face was on the screen, wanting to remind me that I have an important interview the day after. It was probably routine for me to have mak around to remind me of petty things. But I believe, to her, it was love. How do you show a simple gesture of love to a married daughter, whose life revolved around her new family and newfound career. It was a simple telephone call like that. Not out of choice or out of any altruistic motives, mind you. It was a business of happiness to her.

If only I could freeze the time and turn back the clock to when I received a miscall from her,  I would force myself to abandon whatever I was doing, even those editors who were shrieking to fill in a page with bollocks. I know I would. But the fact remains. I just can’t.

Life, is not what we thought it ought to be.

Just when we thought we had bundled ourselves well, the extreme cold still bothers us. Then we realised we have not put on enough layers.

We underestimated.

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